You Know You're in Montreal When...

jack: 9th Feb 2007 - 20:13 GMT

22-you realize for the first time you belong in a home and under supervisory care.

kricket: 10th Feb 2007 - 03:59 GMT

since when do people get mad at you for speaking english in montreal?

jack: 10th Feb 2007 - 15:13 GMT

not you evil, actually montreal is beautiful. of course i've never been there but i came close one time when i went to niagara for a convention. i had a grand time, throwing water balloons out the basement window, watching the dirty dozen for the 623rd time, but i don't know what it is to be in montreal but it sounds ok to me and as for the language problem, well i'm from brooklyn, i can't even speak english 'specially when i'm eating a canoli and the old lady upstairs wants to know if you want the baccala stuffed with mutzerella and suppresatta, forgettaboutit.

grange: 10th Feb 2007 - 15:29 GMT

23. You go to a resturant , only read english , forget your glasses at home , and have to leave .
24. You only speak english , someone who only speaks french trys to give you shit for something, After 2 min of trying to figure out what the hell the other saying you each through up your hands and just walk away with a shrug .
25.Cops wait at corners looking for Ont . car plates . ambush you as you make the right turn on a red light .
26.Evilgentleman lives there , so the rest of Canada is safe ...lol... J.K.

Matt: 12th Feb 2007 - 06:44 GMT

you know its winter there cuz you people dont go outside in the winter to take pictures.

EvilGentleman: 15th Feb 2007 - 18:16 GMT

kricket - Most French people here are quite open-minded and tolerant, but like anywhere else, about 25% have an intolerant redneck way about them. It is this 25% who are famous for completely ignoring you unless you speak French, or even going so far as to give us shit for daring to speak English in a French province. Just a fact of life in these parts.

grange - In reality, having Ontario plates does greatly increase your chances of a ticket, sad though it may be.

Matt - The cold weather can have an effect on the amount of photo-taking I do, but the greater reason for my lack of posts recently is the fact that I now have to commute by car to my classes, since I am now taking courses in my hometown of Kahnawake, which is outside the range of the public transit system. I now have very little free time, and the free time I do have is dark. Add that to the fact that I have no more net access at home, and the result is a lot less EvilGentleman posts. Maybe I can fix that again soon. I sure have a lot of pictures that could use posting...

grange: 16th Feb 2007 - 16:23 GMT

All the french I know is from hockey night in canada .
il tire il marque( he shoots he scores!!)
Makes for ordering a beer kind of embarassing ..
Funny I speak spanish better than french. May be because I go south more often . I guess if I went to Quebec I would learn to "hable francés"

T.Quiero tratar de hablar therelanguage cuando im en otro país, su apenas cortés para tratar por lo menos

grange: 16th Feb 2007 - 16:29 GMT

Evilgentleman ; je havent devait beaucoup de problèmes quand dans Monreal. Le billet de circulation etc. Drôle quand j'obtenais le gaz j'utilisais mon meilleur français que j'ai manqué d'après avoir le remplit en haut s'il vous plaît. Le attendent a été suprised quand je suis allé à l'anglais. La même chose au mexique, après quelques jours ils me transmettraient le menu espagnol quand je suis allé à un resturant. Donc je devine je peux apprendre... PS. ceci a été fait sur un service de tranlation, le salut

EvilGentleman: 21st Feb 2007 - 18:39 GMT

Last time I played with the translation software too much, I was given a stern warning by Hool. I wanna be a good boy this time, LOL. But it is nice to know you try to speak the other languages as best you can. I do the same, but only if the person I am speaking to is being decent about it. If they automatically treat me like crap, I either become 100% unilingual English, or I start speaking Texas French, which sounds like "Howdy, mawn s'yer. Dun-nezz moy un pizza towt garn-eye." They usually get so exasperated, the miraculously start speaking English, even if they claimed a minute earlier that they did not know English at all. I know it's not nice to do that, but I do have a name to live up to.

Sirhcbre: 23rd Feb 2007 - 07:02 GMT

27.You have atleast one broken bone due to slipping down the stairs of your walkup.
28. Your response when someone says they're from Toronto is "oh..." before moving onto another subject.
29. A big white arrow on a blue background means means the subway.
30. It takes an hour to walk from the west end to east east of downtown and 5 minutes to walk south to north.
31. Standing at the curb at a don't walk sign means standing in the middle of the road.
32. You're completely surrounded by water but never think you're on an island.
33. You're paying half of what most people in the country pay on rent for an apartment that is twice as good.

toronto: 27th Feb 2007 - 16:49 GMT

your in montreal when pedestrians run cars off the road

EvilGentleman: 27th Feb 2007 - 17:24 GMT

34 - Neither pedestrians nor drivers have a clue what a crosswalk is
35 - Jaywalkers cut off police cars and nothing happens
36 - People prefer to shove shopping carts into snowbanks rather than bring them back to the parking lot cart gazebos, or whatever the hell those half-sheds that hold shopping carts are called. Cart corrals? Cart return zones? I dunno...
37 - The late night traffic jams after hockey games tend to completely ignore red lights and stop signs.
38 - Night bus drivers think stop signs mean momentarily slowing down almost to the posted speed limit before resuming high speed again.

EvilGentleman: 27th Feb 2007 - 18:04 GMT

39 - Tourists usually ask for directions to the strip bars and trendy nightclubs, not "boring" world-famous stuff like Old Montreal, the Plateau Mont-Royal, The Forum, Mount Royal and our smoked-meat delicatessens.

Sirhcbre: 28th Feb 2007 - 06:20 GMT

I think 36 applies just about everywhere.

I hate when the tourists ask where the touristy stuff is but I guess to most of them, it's something exotic since many of them are Americans up here taking advantage of the 18 drinking age. It also keeps the tourists from taking over the cool parts of the city.

I'm not sure how much of a tourist attraction the forum would be anymore. I would be sorly disappointed to ome to Montreal from elsewhere hoping to see such a world famous place and find out it's a mall (a crappy one at that).

Sirhcbre: 7th Mar 2007 - 17:48 GMT

You have a huge inferiority complex when it comes to Toronto

EvilGentleman: 7th Mar 2007 - 20:07 GMT

Um, we prefer to call it a superiority complex

CE: 15th Mar 2007 - 15:47 GMT

What the hell, I didn't write that (about the inferiority complex under Sirhcbre). Somebody is impersonating my old name!

EvilGentleman: 15th Mar 2007 - 16:48 GMT

CE, I kind of figured as much, since I had a few similar false posts under my name as well. I have no clue why some Torontonians are so intent on competing. Maybe the rivalry stems from former Montrealers who are now in Toronto, and are desperately trying to reassure themselves that they made the right choice. Of course, given the fact that it is getting close to the NHL playoffs, it could be some misguided Maple Leafs fan who believes that it is his patriotic duty to malign Montreal, despite the fact that this post is not hockey-related. Whatever the cause, it is all directed poorly, since I have no problem rooting for the Leafs, if they are playing against a team I hate. Like the Bruins...

EvilGentleman: 22nd Apr 2007 - 10:03 GMT

40 - When you get blizzards and bikinis, all in the same week.

EvilGentleman: 1st Jun 2007 - 04:27 GMT

41 - When you see palm trees planted on the sidewalks in the Gay Village, even though it's still in frickin' Canada, eh?

Canadian palms... what next?

And I just know someone will open a bar called "Harri Palms" now...

Gabs: 9th Nov 2007 - 15:04 GMT

42 - when you learn your four seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.

43 - You understand and often use terms like "unilingual" "anglophone" "francophone" and "allophone"

44 - You can pronounce Pie IX.

45 - For two weeks of the year you are either a fan of Reggae or Jazz.

46 - You know the difference between SQ, SAQ, and SAAQ.

47 - When someone tells you about their new girlfriend/boyfriend you immediately ask "Where is she/he from?"

Lizzy in exile: 14th Nov 2007 - 09:34 GMT

.... when you see so many beautiful (and beautifully dressed) women.
.... you carry a shoe bag to work.
.... you know where 'up north' is.

EvilGentleman: 16th Nov 2007 - 02:58 GMT

I still laugh when I hear Montrealers referring to the ski hills an hour to the North as "Up North", when the phrase always makes me think of my old homes in the Arctic. To me, "North" means above the treeline.

anon (bas4-montreal02-1096736209.dsl.bell.ca): 30th Nov 2007 - 01:22 GMT

Number 39 made me laugh, it's so true. I've been asked by tourists where to get good poutine lol

EvilGentleman: 30th Nov 2007 - 02:31 GMT

50 - You can see miniskirts, sandals and shorts alongside parkas, fur boots and scarves during a snowstorm.

EvilGentleman: 4th Dec 2007 - 21:51 GMT

My hometown is Kahnawake, across the Mercier Bridge from Lasalle. I have been living in Dorval for the last two years, and I have also lived in Lachine and Verdun. I am also very familiar with the Downtown core (especially the West end), Old Montreal, Saint-Henri, Pointe-Saint-Charles, N.D.G., Cote-des-Neiges, Lasalle, Ville Saint-Pierre, Ville Emard, Ville Saint-Laurent, Westmount, Pointe-Claire, Beaconsfield, Kirkland, and Sainte-Anne-de-Bellevue, to mention a few of my most familiar haunts.

Angel: 6th Dec 2007 - 03:01 GMT

51 - you have ever said anything like "I have to stop at the guichet before we get to the dep."

52 - your only concern about jaywalking is getting a ticket.

53 - you were drinking cafe-au-lait before it was latte.

54 - you have graduated from high school and have a degree, but you've never been in grade 12.

55 - you remember where you were during the Ice Storm.

56 - you used to be an Expos fan, but now all you really miss is Youppi.

57 - you know that your city's reputation for beautiful women is based on centuries-old couplings between French soldiers and royally-commissioned whores (aka Les Filles du Roi).

58 - you don't understand anyone from Lac-St-Jean, but you can fake the accent.

Stevan: 31st Dec 2007 - 21:07 GMT

Hey, I'm going to Montréal next summer and I wanted to ask you if the majority of the people in Verdun is able to speak english... I mean, I've already had 2 years of french at my school and I'm still trying to improve... Je peux parler le français un peu mais je sais pas si c'est assez pour survivre là^^ ok you see, I still gotta work on my french... anyways it'd be nice if you could tell me some things I'll have to get adjusted to when going there ;)
Best regards!!

Stevan

Stevan: 31st Dec 2007 - 21:12 GMT

Ah I forgot something... I wish you all a HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008!!!

Salut^^

CE: 31st Dec 2007 - 21:43 GMT

Verdun is pretty bilingual. If you can speak a least some French, you'll get by no problem. It a nice part of town too. Very friendly.

EvilGentleman: 31st Dec 2007 - 23:31 GMT

The areas bordering Verdun are pretty much the same, as well.

Pointe-Saint-Charles, east of Verdun, is historically Irish, and today is a mixed community where English is not a problem.

Ville-Emard, to the north of Verdun, has a sizeable Italian population, but is another mixed area.

Lasalle, to the west of Verdun, has large Black and Italian communities, as well as pretty much everything else that can be found in the Montreal region.

As far as what you have to get adjusted to, it depends on how you plan to live when you stay in Verdun. If you will be driving, remember that you cannot turn right on red lights anywhere in the Island of Montreal. If you will be walking a lot, remember that nobody here knows what a crosswalk is, except the guys who paint the lines.

A few words of Montreal "English" to remember:
Convenience store = dep
Liquor store = SAQ
Meter maid = green onion (they used to have green uniforms, and they make people cry, hence the name)
Health clinic = CLSC
Diner = casse-croute (pronounced kass-kroot when used in English)
Up North = the ski hills in the Laurentians, an hour to the North of the city. (Be careful using this phrase if you meet Inuit, they will laugh at you)

Verdun used to be a dry community, but they repealed their by-law a few years back. I think they now have some licensed restaurants, but as far as I know, there are still no bars in Verdun. But that's ok, it's not far to get downtown, where there are plenty of bars for any occasion.

One thing that your French will be needed for is reading. Even if most of the people in an area speak English, 90% of the store signs, and 100% of the street signs are only in French. But if you ask politely, the first person you try to stop who does not ignore you will probably be willing to help you translate.

EvilGentleman: 1st Jan 2008 - 01:15 GMT

Now, back to my silly list...

59 - There is a potential for collisions between cross-country skiers and bicyclists.

60 - During snowstorms, the roads grind to a halt, but the cyclists still weave in and out of traffic.

Random: 10th Jan 2008 - 05:42 GMT

61 - Subways here are called Métro and we know the difference between the grocery store "Métro" and the "Métro" subway. There's nothing alike. Just the name. HAHA!

Ken Maki: 15th Apr 2008 - 20:58 GMT

62:When someone says get to the point and you drive to the corner of Charlevoix & Centre St.s in Pointe St. Charles.
"I know that one sucked"~lol~

Fiona : 15th Apr 2008 - 21:02 GMT

63:When you look for a 2 bedroom apt. to rent & all you can find is a 4 1/2?
"WhatEver"

Gremlin: 29th Jun 2008 - 04:10 GMT

64. You've acquired a taste for crèton.

65. You don't own a house or condo but you own your own appliances, and if not, your roommate does.

66. You've never bought a piece of furniture, because it was all out on the street for you to find.

67. You scan people's recycling boxes and garbage, just in case there's something you might want.

Tabersnack: 3rd Jul 2008 - 03:42 GMT

68. People on the street ask you if you speak English or French and you assume they will just ask you for money and keep walking.

69. The habs win one damn series and the downtown looks like a war zone.

70. Somebody says "Tu cherches quelque'chose?" (Are you looking for something?) and you know they are asking if you want to buy drugs.

71. The floor of your appartment building is a front for a prostitution ring and all your neighbours are prostitues.

72. The homeless don't bother to lie and just ask you for money to buy drugs or beer.

73. It is really difficult to find a legitimate massage parlour.

74. People complain about their tip when you gave them more than 10%

75. People speak Frenglish

76. You speak to somebody in English and they respond in French but when you respond in French they speak to you in English

me: 8th Oct 2008 - 06:44 GMT

"76. You speak to somebody in English and they respond in French but when you respond in French they speak to you in English"

The last line is the true essence of Montreal! Conflicted F___ed Up yet wonderful.