Carla says I should chill out. Chill out? It's not all that bad right? She says I have friends. Who? Alan? I really don't think he likes me. My local healthcare professional is a very tedious man. The girl in the convenience store? Sure she always greets me with a wide toothy smile. She has one of those mouths with a high gum/tooth ratio, I can tell from the way she conducts herself in my presence that I make her nervous. They say babies only really smile when they're scared. A sort of defence mechanism. Perhaps the same is true...

The Diary of Manny Swindle (part One)

author: a disturbed young man : London, UK

My urinary tract infection has not gone unnoticed by my healthcare worker Alan. Alan hasn't said anything. He never does. I'm not sure whether it's because he's afraid to; or whether it's just that he doesn’t give a fuck. It’s a shit job after all and he is a cunt. The birthmark just below his right ear the shape of Papua New Guinea provides momentary distraction. It's one of those ever-so-noticeable birthmarks. Crimson. He caught me staring at it although I should imagine that he is accustomed to this. It was a mere a routine check up. They call people like me...

Holland Market Ernie

author: Jamie : Spalding, UK

For Ernie, collecting supermarket trolleys was not just a dead-end minimum wage job, It was a vocation. On some occasions he had been known to collect and return the trolleys of the adjacent hardware store during slack periods at the supermarket. If those trolleys were not in their respective trolley bays, there was one (and only one) man for the job. His job however was not the reason d’être you might imagine. Ernie also had an unhealthy interest in road haulage, a truck spotter if you will. Ernie could tell you everything you never wanted to know...

This Humdrum Penitentiary of Glass

author: Jamie : Peterborough, UK

A city provides adequate anonymity to allow one total freedom of expression. I use the term ‘city’ quite loosely here. Large towns, conurbations, indeed any densely populated environment tends to exhibit this resplendent peculiarity. In stark contrast to this, small towns, villages and other close-knit communities gravitate toward an air of accountability, with one often feeling an inexorable urge to conform to the bounded principles of others. Those who express themselves artistically or otherwise in this aquarium are often dismissed out of hand as crackpots, weirdoes or outsiders, whilst set free into the ocean these self same souls can thrive amongst...

Justice Monument, Clerkenwell Green

author: banksyfan : London, UK

In August 2004 London got a new monument. The pre event hype had paid off. A large crowd had gathered to see what was underneath the black drapes. What really foxed people was which way the thing was facing. Was it the Statue of Liberty, was it a comment on the torture of Iraqi prisoners? Or was it a load of over hyped crap? Whatever, Diana's memorial fountain didn't attract this size of crowd when it was unveiled! Every unveiling needs a master of ceremonies - cue MC Dynamite to do the honours: "Congratulations on acquiring...

Santa's Ghetto 2004, Charing Cross Road

author: banksyfan : London, UK

Open until December 24th 2004, the concept store rallied against the commercialisation of christmas by selling lots of stuff". Including stinking art piss from the likes of 3D, Sickboy, Dface, Gee Vaucher, David Shrigley, Chris Cunningham, Insect, Jamie Hewlett, Mutoid Waste and Banksy. The title of the shop has since been changed and the Shok1 punk has been painted over apparently because of complaints.