citynoise.org
What is Citynoise?..... Today's posts..... This month..... Recent Comments..... Contact..... RSS Feed.... Post your own Citynoise.....
http://www.citynoise.org  

browse by city

Brooklyn, NY (1190)
New York, NY (1019)
Toronto, ON (940)
Montreal, QC (433)
London, UK (316)
Houston, TX (297)
Oakland, CA (244)
Philadelphia, PA (209)
Seattle, WA (191)
Queens, NY (188)
complete city list

popular articles

what's hot this month?

recent articles

Quick & Dirty DC
from: Peter
One More from 2009
from: nytlc
The Anti-Sit, Part 2:
from: Peter
The Chrysler Building
from: Peter
Donut Standard Time
from: joey
Domino's Last Days
from: luna park
Police State USA
from: luna park
Livin' on a Prairie (Avenue)
from: Franny Wentzel
Under the Donnersbergerbrücke
from: luna park
Untitled
from: David
read all today's articles

browse by author

Peter (1304)
Unknown (689)
joey (405)
jack (276)
EvilGentleman (274)
complete author list

hot topics

NYC
212
subway moscow
astoria ny
seattle wa
london street art
green point
central park
parkdale toronto
tokyo tower
brooklyn east 5th street
vancouver, wa
coney island island
tacoma bridge
108

Chinese New Year

- a disturbed young man - Friday, April 15th, 2005 : goo

[previous] :: [next]

A continuation of The Diary of Manny Swindle part one and part two

From time to time, ungovernable events will inevitably transpire. Circumstances will come asunder, and as deftly as one might attempt their suturing, the resultant vestige of scar tissue invariably becomes an enduring retrospection into the turbulence of ones unrelenting self-pity.

On the night bus into town I sat transfixed by the attractive young lady sat delicately in front of me. I speculated that perhaps she might sense the lurid intent of my gaze as it strenuously penetrated her from behind. I was unable to entertain any further notions as I was rudely distracted by the discourteous conduct of another passenger. An ungainly young man sat restlessly in the abutting row of seating. I watched him absorbingly as he plucked out charred pieces of foam from holes left by malicious cigarette burns. He began to openly propel little rolled up balls of seat-foam. With the repeated snap of a sullied forefinger, these buoyant fragments soared in every direction. Our lines of sight coalesced on more than one occasion, yet each time I strove to appear increasingly nonplussed.

As I absent-mindedly inventoried the tiny burn holes in the lap of my track-pants, Carla began painstakingly recounting details of her most recent convergence with a gentleman named Alan. I listened as intently as I ever do. Its not that Im not interested in the finer points of Carlas sordid on-off relationship with Alan, Im merely preoccupied with the finer points of my own predicament.

This Alan fellow is a superfluously dull character. He works a four day week at my local Sexual Health Clinic, where for over a year he was my designated support worker. My genital afflictions have long since subsided, and my association with Alan has ceased. An intolerable cramp developed in my right metatarsal region. A blisteringly sharp pain, not unlike the sensation of red hot nylon dripping onto ones naked flesh. I must have expressed this discomfort outwardly, as Carla rolled her eyes; taking offence at my demeanor.

Carlas relationship with Alan is anything but conventional, though I seriously doubt whether Alan realises the full extent of its unorthodoxy. Dependant on ones moral perspective, one might consider Miss McDermott to be somewhat salacious. With my social values loitering somewhere outside the electrified perimeter of Michael Jacksons Kiddy-Ranch®, I feel it somewhat hypocritical of me to pass judgement.

Oi, oi Bollock-chops!

This is how I was greeted by Tall Si on my exit from the 104 night bus outside Magees. This defunct cargo vessel of yesteryear is now steadfastly anchored under a busy rail bridge. Fully licensed for the sale and consumption of intoxicating beverages and spirits. There had been an incident last year in which the boat had broken free of its allegedly permanent mooring. Perhaps in high winds, or good old fashioned high spirits, It had drifted a short distance downstream and sunk another vessel. This rogue of the tidal flow, a seasoned veteran of the many inter-city waterways of old. Upon finding himself fettered and fancied for the purposes of drunken merriment, he simply yearned for a glimpse of the freedom he had once enjoyed. This old soldiers frustration with what it saw as a lack of vocational satisfaction, and his overzealous hunger for extrication were both ultimately unleashed onto his capricious young tormentor. Caroline was a houseboat.

Carla says you cant make an omelette without breaking eggs. That isnt altogether true. You can buy frozen, microwaveable, single serving omelettes from most good supermarkets nowadays. If the mood took you, you could alternatively reconstitute some powdered egg to create a sufficiently palatable dish without compromising the structural integrity of a single unfertilized chicken embryo.

But that really is beside the point. My only impetus for contemplating such a banal hypothesis is that of occupying my mind with something other than what has been troubling me for the past fortnight. Carla says it doesnt matter. What does she know? Its not that I dont appreciate her emotional input at this difficult time, but I cant shake that age old metaphor of the visually impaired playing shepherd to their equally disadvantaged peers.

I am not certain at what juncture a relationship moves from mere acquaintance into the kaleidoscopic realms of mutual esteem, or where this transcendental line resides. I am certain however that I would not care to be considered a friend of Tall Si.

Tall Si is a wanker. Everyone knows Tall Si. Hes the man with the gear. His look is invariable. He has oily shoulder length hair, which generally afflicts the shoulders of an equally disheveled T-shirt. His clothing tends to be emblazoned with witty consumerist parodies. My personal favourite is his red Cock-a-Koala T-shirt. It centers around some rather distinct graphic imagery and is somewhat fetching. He often augments this unparalleled chic with grubby fluorescent wristbands, some of which glow-in-the-dark. Last night however, in the fluttering orange-red glow of the hurriedly erected 60-watt paper lanterns that adorned the boats exterior, his unkempt appearance assumed a moderately Christ-like quality. I found myself momentarily at least, at an utter loss in my contempt for him. My temporary and somewhat foolhardy reverence however, was bluntly interrupted by its very subject

Choo fuck my wife?

Si doesnt have a wife. He isnt married. He doesnt even have a girlfriend.

I replied as obtusely as possible: Yes up the gary!

Si laughed heartily; noticeably gratified by the fact that I had not only acknowledged his pathetic catchphrase, but embellished it with an equally witty retort.

Kong hay fat choi motherfucker! Was his considered reply and valediction.

I told Carla that this would no doubt secure me the usual discount on my next score. I explained to her that although Tall Si was an moron, his shit was top-notch. None of that low-grade shit that floods out of Amsterdam. They manufacture that tripe from oil and tyres and fucking tiny pieces of plastic mixed with gravy granules and fuck knows what else. She just fell through the entranceway of Magees, vomiting onto my cheap footwear whilst soddenly mouthing something about won ton soup.

This article has been viewed 29502 times in the last 10 years


Translation: 15th Apr 2005 - 09:04 GMT

For those not familiar with British slang, here is a translation guide (into us english)

1. Bollock = Testicle
2. Wanker = One who wanks (masturbates) - Disparaging term used in much the same way as "Jerk" or "Asshole"
3. Gary = Gary Glitter = Shitter = Ass (contemporary rhyming slang)

manchesta: up the gary heh!

phillyphil: 12th Sep 2005 - 14:21 GMT

i really enjoyed reading this story and i hope you write some more to it.

Peter: 12th Sep 2005 - 16:00 GMT

yeah we havent seen any entries form this author in some time. i keep hoping he comes back too, heh.

Catherine Penfold-Waxman: 30th Nov 2005 - 20:40 GMT

Amazing writing. I want to read more.

Horrible critic: 29th Jan 2006 - 00:26 GMT

I suggest you add one more word to your vocabulary- 'verbose'. Do look it up, and think on whether it might apply to you. Good writing is not about showcasing one's vocabulary, particularly at the cost of meaning, in the instances where you haven't quite understood the word you're using. A skilled writer can convey images and feelings- and, ultimately, meaning- subtly. I'm not suggesting you should stop using your impressive range of words; just think about whether it's really necessary to be so ostentatiously grandeloquent. Or maybe it's the drugs?

Silliness aside, it's good to see someone who does try really hard. You have all the tools to be an excellent writer- just please think a bit about what writing is all about.

a disturbed young man: 1st Aug 2006 - 19:44 GMT

yeah i know what you mean. upon re-reading. thanks for the crtiticism, which i revieve humbly and above all constructively.

a disturbed young man: 28th Sep 2006 - 23:40 GMT

also yes it is the drugs that make me do bad things. like the time i fucke.... but thats another story for another time, and not one that could or should ever be recounted in the presence of females.

Comment on this article..

Name:

Type your comment here: Upload photos (opens in popup window)

[previous] :: [next]

search citynoise.org

recent discussions

Netherne Mental Asylum
from: Simon Cornwell
Motorist Vs Courier
from: hool
The Benny Farm Condemned Housing Projects
from: EvilGentleman
MoD Aquila (Part Two)
from: Simon Cornwell
Humboldt Park & Gentrification
from: Xavi
Old New York in Colour - Part II - Downtown 1960
from: Franny Wentzel
Piraguas
from: CartLegger
Earth As Seen from Mars
from: Franny Wentzel
Old New York in Colour - Part III - Lower East Side
from: Franny Wentzel
The Elusive Red Tailed Black Squirrel
from: Biff

from the archives

Get Met, It Pays


I ran up to the shop that day to show you this flick..its been 16 years already...damm

Get Met, It Pays

recently viewed

Chinese New Year
from: a disturbed young man
How Appropriate!
from: Elicar
Early 1900s in Colour
from: Franny Wentzel
We Nail Road Signs to Trees.
from: AG
Currently Unavailable
from: Unknown
Polaroid 100 City Pix
from: Franny Wentzel
Untitled
from: T.R.
Skating Trail in Colonel Samuel Smith Park
from: Michelle
Old New York in Colour - Part III - Lower East Side
from: Franny Wentzel
Soho Thru the Windshield of My Car and Mind, Like a Wheel Within a Wheel, Like the Song That They Were Singing, Like the Windmills of My Mind.
from: jack