Holland Market Ernie

Spalding, UK - Jamie - Wednesday, April 13th, 2005 : goo

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For Ernie, collecting supermarket trolleys was not just a dead-end minimum wage job, It was a vocation. On some occasions he had been known to collect and return the trolleys of the adjacent hardware store during slack periods at the supermarket. If those trolleys were not in their respective trolley bays, there was one (and only one) man for the job.

His job however was not the reason d’être you might imagine. Ernie also had an unhealthy interest in road haulage, a truck spotter if you will. Ernie could tell you everything you never wanted to know about a wagon. Where the company was based, where they were previously based, and what goods they generally exported to which destinations.

Eddie Stobart export Coca-Cola to Germany

As you might imagine, Ernie had an impressive collection of trucking paraphernalia. Frequently sporting an Eddie Stobart, or Maersk Sealand baseball cap, he would regale me with tales of truck drivers he had known and loved, conversed with, and no doubt bored rigid. Mugs, pens, caps, t-shirts, high visibility reflective safety jackets. His tactics were textbook.

It was often rumored that Ernie might be a cross-dresser; and as unlikely as it seemed the clues were no doubt there. The telltale vestiges of mascara and eyeliner, the smooth lady-like hands, the well attended fingernails. All easily unnoticed but nonetheless present under close scrutiny; And I couldn’t help thinking he’d look good in a dress.

For almost a year Ernie would tell me of his dream to be transferred to the Carlisle branch of the Supermarket. Other topics of conversation often included the exciting possibility of the supermarket introducing "new-fangled" coin-op trolleys. I felt it impertinent to point out that such a move would effectively render him unemployed. Nod and smile. Be agreeable.

Eddie Stobart are based in Carlisle

A seven year old boy in the decrepit body of a single man in his mid to late fifties. Ernie's all-consuming fancies, his ham-fisted demeanor and his unhealthy penchant for Coca-Cola would never fail to brighten the tedium of my working day. I laughed at him, not with him; he was a nice guy.

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richard: very good story!

Peter: the world is a small place, eh?

Scott Sargent: I'd like a Maersk Sealand baseball cap.

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