Octopussing

Montreal, QC - EvilGentleman - Wednesday, May 24th, 2006 : goo

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I committed my first drive-by octopussing last week. It took a while to form the complex plan in my head, but once I did, I became driven to follow it through to its grim conclusion. My wife seemed to be aware that something was up, but she patiently waited for me to return to normal.

We drove around in search of a victim for a while. Due to the time being just before midnight, the residential sections of Lachine did not net any suitable victims, so I continued to search for prey in the back roads of Dorval.

Finally, after 40 minutes of searching, there he was, a tall young fellow in a grey T-shirt and jeans. The road was deserted, and the lighting was poor, the overgrown trees blocking most of what little light there was. I began the attack, coming up alongside him from behind, my window down in preparation. Closer, closer I came...

Finally the moment had come. As I passed directly next to him, I took a deep breath and yelled, "OCTOPUS!"

I looked in the rear-view mirror, and I could see from the look on my victim's face that the putrification of his brain was already well under way. He was in total shock, confusion taking control of his thought processes. My work was done.

As he grows older, he will forever be tainted now, since his mind will never be able to comprehend the eternal question. He will never rest again without wondering, "WHY?"

Many must wonder how I am able to sleep at night, but be warned:

Maybe I am not sleeping at all. Maybe I am pulling up alongside another victim as you read this.

Pleasant dreams...

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sally: that's awesome.

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