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How Old Am I?

- JJ - Monday, April 10th, 2006 : goo

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I fell off my skateboard again last night. And this time I wasn’t even drunk.

I was just a block from my apartment in Center City Philly on a busy main road. As I mentioned before, the Philly sidewalks aren’t conducive to skateboarding, so I ride in the street like the “real” skaters do.

So I was hauling ass in the street, approaching a stoplight at a busy downtown intersection. There were people all over the place, heading home from work, eating at outdoor cafes, standing on the street corner waiting to cross. As I approached the light, I skidded my shoe on the blacktop to slow down. I was almost completely stopped, so I stood straight up and put my right foot on the street to stop completely.

Problem is - my foot landed on some asphalt gravel and slipped. Imagine running down the road toward an area covered with marbles then jumping right on top of them. That’s what it felt like.

My feet shot right out from under me and I collapsed on my side. Luckily the board didn’t shoot out into traffic; It just kind of rolled into the curb.

There was a dude about a foot away from me waiting to cross the street. He had a fucking front row seat.

Like last time, I shouted as I fell. It was sort of an involuntary shriek of fear as I felt the pavement hit my ass. I yelled, “FUCK!”

In that split second, I thought “What a stupid thing to yell. Couldn’t you think of something funny to say, JJ?”

I stood up, brushed myself off and grabbed my board. I made eye contact with the dude that just watched me bust my ass. He didn’t even try to look away. He just kind of laughed under his breath.

As I walked away in embarrassment I was thinking, “There’s got to be a way to make a joke out of this. There’s got to be something funny I could say.”

So in a completely sarcastic tone I said, “That was cool.” I’m such a dork.

Now — there’s an epilogue to this little story.

I told this story to a buddy at work and another guy overheard a bit of it and walked up to us. He looked right at me and asked, “How old are you?”

Good point.

www.thechurning.com

This article has been viewed 3968 times in the last 3 years


EvilGentleman: 11th Apr 2006 - 17:25 GMT

LMAO, I remember in 1995, I was dressed to go out in my "western" mode of attire one day. This consisted of custom-made black leather cowboy boots with four-inch heels, button-fly Levi's 501 jeans, a white denim shirt, a string tie with an eagle clasp, a faux stetson cowboy hat, and the coup de grace - a full-length, down to the ankles "duster" style coat, much like Clint Eastwood wore in "The Unforgiven". Since I was also 180 pounds in those days, this outfit generated a lot of attention from women.

There I am, looking my best, walking onto the fully packed city bus (my horse was getting re-shoed?) and the heel of my boot slips on a wet patch on the rubber mat in the aisle of the bus. I slipped with my feet in front of me pointing skyward, much the same way Charlie Brown would fly when Lucy would pull away the football he was trying to kick. After a moment in mid-air, I landed flat on my back with a thump, and just lay there, looking like a dumbass. Finally, after a moment to think things over, I pointed to the ceiling and said "I hope somebody got that on film, I could use ten thousand dollars from America's funniest Home Videos". The whole bus erupted into laughter, and I made my way to the back, where I silently stood in embarassment for the rest of the trip.

sherri: 11th Apr 2006 - 20:29 GMT

You guys got nothing on me. Try walking through a PACKED west edmonton mall (2nd largest in the world) with your skirt tucked into your thong waist band....Drafty ain't it!! With many hours of therapy, I got over it.....SCHMUK............

elaine: 12th Apr 2006 - 12:51 GMT

make this! make this! [[
http://www.jasonbradbury.com/jason_bradbury/jason_builds/index.html]]
it's the second one down, february - a hoverboard!
at least if you fell off you would have fallen off a hoverboard and not just a common or garden skateboard, no?

Micah: 13th Apr 2006 - 21:49 GMT

In grades 11 and 12 I played in the school band and at year's end we played at the graduation ceremony at the Winspear Centre. Well, I believe it was in grade eleven that we were waiting in the equivalent of the green room before filing into the auditorium itself. But it was a room with all glass walls and no door, but rather an opening through which to walk. Well I was all excited about something, running around and talking to people, and I left the room to talk to a friend. Finished visiting, I turned around and strode at normal striding speed right into not the room but the glass wall. Which in itself was enough to make me want to hide really fast. But everyone sitting down in that room was facing out towards me and therefore saw the whole thing through the glass walls. There was much laughing at my expense, but I eventually recovered.

jack: 14th Apr 2006 - 03:07 GMT

sorry nothing embarrassing for me i led a rather perfect, cool guy kinda life. i never laughed at others thats why everyone liked me.

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