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You Gotta Count Your Ducklings Before You Touch the Turntable
Horncastle, UK - Jamie - Friday, November 18th, 2005 : goo
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So, last night i had a fast food craving and went to McDonald's, and i know what you're thinking, and i agree, but it's comfort food. A mothfull of soggy cheeseburger and a gulp of strawberry milkshake reminds me of being a kid. So, my car has a hole in it's exhuast, which makes it sound cool. I drove to the McDonalds drivethru, and i dunno if this is a UK specific thing, but the drivethru is where the chavs hang out. In their suped up vauxhall novas, alloy wheels, furry dice hung from the rear view mirror. The Kevins and the Sharons were out in full force last night.
I play my music loud. Not to impress, but just because it's meant to be played loud-ish. I like hip hop. I have to admit i did crank it up a notch or 10 for comedy purposes though. Wyclef - Pharoahe Monch Dub Plate featuring Kenny Rogers, it's opens comme ca:
You got to know when to hold 'em
Know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away
Know when to run..
You got to count your dub-plates
before you touch the turntables
Cause if you run out of big tunes
that means your sound is done
But, yeah when Kenny sings dub-plates it sure as hell sounds like ducklings
So, as i'm exiting the drivethru with my window still down, i un-mute my stereo and Kenny starts to do his thing. And as he's singing about his ducklings, i see the chavs laughing, mocking me. They think i'm listening to some kinda country and western shit at full volume. With my window down. But i'm not. And Then:
Get the hell up!
'Clef said, get the hell up!
And that's when the bass line kicks in. And thats when the chavs fall silent. And thats when i accelerate away from the lights with my noisy pimped-up exhaust sipping on my motherfuckin milkshake, yo.
This article has been viewed 4876 times in the last 3 years
elaine: you're well 'ard you are
Catherine Penfold-Waxman: 18th Nov 2005 - 14:43 GMT
sippin' on milkshake, with my mind on my ducklings and ducklings on my mind.
Catherine Penfold-Waxman: 18th Nov 2005 - 16:08 GMT
Of course you were being ironic. It comes through loud and clear.
Peter: 18th Nov 2005 - 16:28 GMT
hehehehe. great story, dude. im cracking up.
one time, i went through a drive-through on my scooter, and i suppose whatever it is that detects cars there and makes them ask to take your order didnt get tripped by me on my scooter, so i had to wait for like 5 minutes, poeple queueing up behind me, honking... finally, i just drove up to the window where i was met with a scowl and a chuckle. but i got to place my order, finally, and ate a crappy fast-food burrito though my helmet as i drove away.
ironically, i have a hole in my muffler too. it makes the scoot sound like a harley. i gotta get that fixed this weekend, yo.
elaine: 18th Nov 2005 - 16:31 GMT
it's interesting having organically occuring features in your vehicle. i had a vw polo with a nice swimming pool in the tyre well, sloshed around pleasantly enough, resisiting any attempt to drain it with drilled holes. when the feature extended to the drivers side of the car i had to give it up. it is illegal to drive with wet feet
Jamie: 18th Nov 2005 - 16:37 GMT
it's illegal to drive without your seatbel fastened. apparently. discovering this cost me a £30 fine the other week. which i still haven't paid. i considered losing my police tail down a sidestreet, but he was driving a bloody subaru impreza and y chances of outrunning him were low.
elaine: 'clunk click every trip'
Jamie: 18th Nov 2005 - 16:44 GMT
citynoise is stealing letters from my words and making it look as though i can't speel. who coded this shite?
elaine: naughty cityniose, bad cityniose, in your bed!
elaine: yeeeessss. he is on telly right now
Jamie: 18th Nov 2005 - 16:53 GMT
what are the chances of that, eh? but if i was being pedantic, the exact quote is "bad boy, dirty boy, in your bed!" so your paraphrasing should have been, "bad citynoise, dirty citynoise, in your bed!"
elaine: 18th Nov 2005 - 16:55 GMT
don't tell anyone i watch childrens' telly, i might mess up my rep
Micah: I always thought he was saying dumplings!
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