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I Continue to Ponder

- Winston Avenue - Monday, August 1st, 2005 : goo

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I have spent most of today punching down countless tiny coloured wires into little holes with a special tool called a krone. That's the best way to describe what i've been doing without entering into needlessly exacting detail. I wouldn't want to come across in any way tedious.

The monotony of todays unenviable task has provided much scope for pondering, however. One can get utterly lost in thought doing something like this; and i've got lots to think about. She's turned again. It's all going wrong.

I get this awful feeling were back at the top of that slipperly slope - and gravity is laughing at us. He knows it. We both know it. I seem to be the only one concerned by this. Everything was peachy. Rosey. Warm and fuzzy. It must have been a few days ago now; but just as always, something flicked her switch and personality #2 has come back into effect. She doesn't hate me as such. Not like number 3 does. Number three is the one who ran me over. Number two is just plain ignorant. Not to mention dull.

If i could stay here all night, playing around with wires and cables and things i would; but at some point soon i will have to return home and face the music.

And let me tell you. It won't be fucking salsa.

This article has been viewed 2916 times in the last 4 years


elaine: aw, lamb

Winston: 1st Aug 2005 - 18:23 GMT

I returned home with less trepidation than i had previously anticipated. A warmish welcome was partially forecast by the friendly tone of a text message i'd recieved shortly before leaving. Things aren't exactly normal but it's sorta ok. She shaved my head and did a good job too. She said i looked good. I said she could kiss me if she had a bath.

Winston: 1st Aug 2005 - 21:23 GMT

She's gone to bed. We've talked a little tonight, though i remain as perplexed as ever. Sometimes i fear that without this constant state of emotional flux i would cease to exist. That isn't to say that i don't long for some kind of stability. Something to clutch as i fall. What tomorrow will bring i dare not imagine.

elaine: 2nd Aug 2005 - 11:17 GMT

my question for you is, are you addicted to the adrenalin of the drama? not a judgement, just a question

Peter: 2nd Aug 2005 - 13:43 GMT

stability with a good measure of dramatic flux keeps life interesting ;)

Winston: 2nd Aug 2005 - 16:25 GMT

Both valid points which and ones with which i agree. I think an undercurrent of stability is a prerequisite of any successful relationship. Ebbs and flows are good and inevitably inevitable but you gotta be able to dig your heels into something to stop you from falling. Sometimes that something comes in 20mg capsules.

elaine: oh dear

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